#2020-22 all felt like one really long year

[mintysneezes]

I can’t believe we’re in the mid 2020s now

[doshiart]

🖤 ART TAG 🖤

Hey to all artists! I want to talk about our art journey. Some of us have a long path, some have started only recently, but each of us has had our own individual path and I think it's really important to remember how we all started. And it's also important to share it with others so that no one would be scared to start their own journey and just create.

How did you start drawing? What year was it that you become more seriously and consciously interested in it?

As everyone I'll say I've been drawing since early childhood, but I think the end of 2019 is my beginning. Because that's the time I started to practice actively.

When you felt the urge to share your art with other people? When did you start posting your drawings on social media?

Maybe it's always been? I think for the first time I posted something traditional drawn on my personal social media. I started my art socials in 2020.

Your first/earliest drawing. What were your impressions of it back then and what are your feelings now?

It's hard to track my very first drawing, but here are the early traditional drawings and my very first digital hand drawing. It was before I got a tablet, so it was drawn with a mouse. My impressions? My hand was tired... But if seriously back then it looked like something cool to me and I was surprised that I could draw something like that. Now, of course, I can see all my mistakes. But let's be honest, any mistake is a move forward.

🚧 ALARM 🚧

My very first attempts after getting a tablet.

Should I mention that I was upset at the first second that it didn't work out on the first try?

Your first fanart ever

I had a lot of traditional drawings of Adventure Time (I'm a big fan of Marceline). It's roughly a little over a decade ago.

But in digital, I guess this? Snufkin and The Groke from Moomin stories. [aug 8, 2020]

Your first gallavich fanart

Hi babies! This post and this post.

[nov 27, 2023] - oh my god it's almost a year???

But what if I told you that my sister asked me to draw Cameron Monaghan… Who knew that ten years later I'd be drawing him once again...

When you had bad days and things didn't work out, what inspired you to keep trying?

I just need to rest, try again, or think about what exactly goes wrong. When I started my path as a digital artist I was very inspired by the older work by 'big artists'. No one is perfect at the first moment and there is always a long road of striving and practice behind cool works. And I knew that the more I tried, the more I could consider myself 'cool' too. (spoiler: that feeling is still with me)

Show your old piece that you strongly dislike and tell why.

It's a hard choice. I stopped liking a lot of my work after a time, but this one was initially a struggle. I really didn't like how it looked in the end. I wasn't able to draw it as I wanted, and had problems with the face and dynamics. But the background is cool! (A lot of the work you don't like has some good in it!)

Renee and Andrew from AFTG [dec 5, 2021]

Show your old piece that you very like and tell why. What's the difference with the previous?

I love the shading and the face, especially eyes. And i still love this drawing! Face looks better than previous and hair has a dynamic, and the expression is really good.

Buck Toothsome from School for vampires [nov 8, 2021]

Show your old piece that you were very proud of back then.

I really loved this study redraw!

Ginny with Marcus from Ginny & Georgia [june 22, 2021]

Do you do any practice sketches or warm-ups before you draw something big?

I've started to do it recently! I'd forgotten how many sketches I made in sketchbooks when I was studying drawing.

I tried to change the pen pressure.

Sketch vs Final. Show your process.

Actually, it's been a tough process.

Your most recent drawing.

I'm working on my secret santa's gift right now, so I can't share it 🤭But here's my last sketch during warm-up session 🤲🖤

Give yourself some praise! Look at what improved in your art!

I just want to say that four years ago I would've been shocked by my current drawings. I've really improved in drawing faces and anatomy, I'm trying new interesting composition, trying to learn new things and use it in my works.

Any advice you'd give to your earlier self?

Do more thinking while creating your art. Do a sketches warm-ups before digging into the big work. Don't be afraid to draw it again if something doesn't work. Take breaks to physically exercise!

Set a goal for yourself for the coming year.

I want to improve facial expressions. Make a professional portfolio. Keep growing and enjoying drawing.

I want to see more your drawings...

@deathclassic @suzy-queued @kiennilove @gallapiech @spookygingerr

@konaiiro @michellemisfit @heymrspatel @vintagelacerosette @sgtmickeyslaughter

@burninface @lingy910y @crossmydna @deedala

[batsplat]

who do u root against 😈😈😈😈

(feel free to ignore hahahah im just a hater who likes [non serious] hating <3)

bastianini's the main one (if you read my top ten 2024 rider ranking really carefully, you can probably detect a slight hint of it), which is a long-term investment that got cancelled for a while on pity grounds last year (quite unfortunate because I'd geared up to go full hater mode when I saw his pre-season did not match the hype his factory signing was accompanied with but... alas, portimao) but has really come through for me this year. the exact results profile to hit the sweet spot - enough good stuff to piss you off but ultimately a lot of vindication. I still remember some of the things people were saying after misano ii... and the beautiful thing about hating that profile of athlete is that you can sit back and observe. not everything needs a reaction. you know they will eventually come through for you. awful mentality, I am secretly in the casey camp where I dislike athletes who aren't taking this shit seriously enough. he was my highlight of the final race of the season, aleix's comment made me smile for days

ehhh vinales I think I'm sort of over, it's just increasingly felt too mainstream and low-hanging fruit to bully him. if EVERYONE is ragging on him then what's the point y'know. I was an early adopter - I knew in my soul that man was not a serious operator pretty early on as a motogp fan. this is a case where being a tennis fan came through for me once again, took one look at him and went 'lostgen'. so the unravelling of the 2017 title campaign after how crazy the hype was... pretty satisfying. but also I genuinely felt happy for him when he won cota this year, so perhaps war is over. when I watch him hurtle backwards at each start, occasionally I feel a kind of nostalgia-induced warmth in my heart. when a pigeon shits on your windowsill every week, do you not eventually become fond of the pigeon? you know that it will never desert you... there is beauty in the rhythms of life if you know where to look

I have a long-standing antipathy for alex marquez that I can't quite remember the origin point for, maybe the story about him being favoured over teammate alex rins to win his moto3 title? which, again, this is very much hating for fun territory, it's not exactly his fault, but y'know. I've always been fond of rinsy and this is extremely extremely mean but I did enjoy that aragon 2020 comment where he said he looked at the pitboard and was shocked at the name and went "wow another one, marquez, another marquez!!" which is just so obviously bitchy given they used to be teammates. and like. I can't not respect that energy. you just kinda feel he'd been sitting on that one for half a decade (same way miller still *clearly* has a grudge against this guy lmfao bless him). did pause my hating on pity grounds for part of the honda stint but last year was rewarding on that front. ehhh.... raul fernandez is now old enough I can say I've been a hater historically, but honestly at a certain point that one kinda loses its kick. still don't entirely get why he's gotten a two year contract extension. there might also be another child I strongly suspect I will be a long-term hater of but unfortunately I need to wait until he turns 22 before I can publicly pray on his downfall :(( even if sometimes you just Know where this path is leading you

anyway lol none of these are THAT serious. I genuinely think the danger factor makes it tough for me to commit to the same extent, like with all these riders I have watched at least one crash that absolutely terrified me. I don't feel as comfortable hating on someone I know there is a slim but real chance I might watch die on any given sunday. (vinales' austria 2020 double proper spooked me icl.) with men's tennis the guys I hate I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire, but also that shit's more serious. AND way less satisfying when you're hating on a generational talent who's just winning everything, usually the guys I'm a hater of in motogp give me a fair bit to work with

[futfemfantasies]

Prompt List:

Hey everyone! 

I have some ideas and who they are for but I want to see which ones you all want. If you want to suggest anyone else or make a change to the prompt, I’m happy for that! Or even if you have a prompt not on the list, send it through :)

Request the number and player and I’ll write it as soon as I can :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. “I see us in front of an altar one day”  Lucy Bronze

2. Y/N dedicates a song to _______ at her concert after just coming out  Sam Kerr

3. Asking for permission to kiss Alex Morgan

4. Casual intimacy - baths, washing each others hair, soft kisses Leah Williamson

5. Prohibited kisses - hands in hair and others on waist, lower bodies pressing into each other Patri Guijarro

6. “Can you repeat that? My brain hasn’t woken up yet”

7. “They’re just a friend, I swear”

8. “You’re my best friend! We shouldn’t, I shouldn’t be feeling like this. Fuck!” Alanna Kennedy

9. “Come to bed”

10. “Go home _____” “I’m already home”

11. Flower crown making on a picnic date Christen Press

12. World Cup proposal. Reader plays for England or USA and is dating _____ Sam Kerr

13. “I didn’t know who to call” Reader gets broken up with and seeks comfort in _______

14. Reader not healing from her mother’s death (Christen Press’ younger sister). ________

15. Barcelona team go to a Chinese restaurant and readers fortune cookie reads ‘Don’t let the one good thing in your life slip away’. _______ reads ‘your true love is around you’. At the hotel, reader and ______ link pinkies behind the group and share a kiss when they wait for a new elevator since the team filled them all up.

16. Reader joined Barca in 2017 and grew close to ________. Ended up being together for lockdown. Reader goes to Australia for national team camp and gets teased by Sam, Macca, Caitlin and Steph etc. Reader and ______ talk about coming out / what photos to use. _____ posts first then reader follows. Teasing by the team starts again after photos are posted. Mapi Leon

17. Reader is injured and she knows __________ wants to surf when she’s home so she re-waxes her surfboard as a surprise

18. Reader is quarantining with _________ when Australia wins the World Cup in 2020. It’s early in the morning and reader yells and screams, waking up ______.

19. Reader is going on a ‘date’ but knows _______ is in love with them. ________ helps pick out an outfit for the ‘date’ but reader wears it on their first date.

20. Alex Morgan little sister (5 years younger) - dating ________. Alex finds you two making out after a national team friendly - USA vs _________. Alex ‘threatens’ _________.

21. Reader singing One Less Lonely Girl to _________ on the bus on a long trip from a game to announce their relationship. Lucy Bronze

22. _________ surprising reader (Leah’s older sister) at Arsenal. Reader scores in the 90+5 minute, sending Arsenal to the Champions league final.

23. I Wish - One direction (sad fic) Leah Williamson

24. All Of The Girls You’ve Loved Before - Taylor Swift (reader dedicates this to __________ at their concert) - reader’s first time saying they’ve fallen for _______. 

25. Reader cooking for _______ for the first time and it’s really good.

26. “I could kiss you right now” “You’re very welcome to do it”  Reader scores an important goal in an important game.

27. “I haven’t felt like this in a long time and I’m scared”

28. “I think you’re parents may like me even more than you”  _________ meets readers parents for the first time due to covid.

29. “I didn’t want to tell you like this, but I have no choice”

30. “I miss you” “It’s just temporary” 

31. “They all reminded me of different parts of you so I got one of each” Reader can’t decide on one type of flower so the florist makes a bouquet with all different flowers from around the shop.

32. “Was that your way of asking me to marry you?” Reader is a singer and writes ‘That Part by Lauren Spencer Smith’.  Leah Williamson // Millie Bright

[a-silent-symphony]

Nightwish: “The whole theme of the album is time, history, humanism, mortality. It’s really optimistic”

Tuomas Holopainen gives us the lowdown on everything you need to know about the hopeful new Nightwish album, Yesterwynde…

In the four years since their last album, Finnish symphonic metal titans Nightwish have been through much change, challenge and uncertainty. And that's without the pandemic kicking the legs out from underneath a year's worth of touring plans for 2020's HVMAN. :||: NATVRE a month after it came out.

First, in December of that year, longtime bassist and vocalist Marko Hietala announced that he was leaving the band. In October 2022, singer Floor Jansen revealed that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and successfully underwent surgery.

Then last year, they dropped a worrying newsbomb, announcing that upon completion of their then-current touring duties – which had included a mammoth show at Wembley – they weren't going to be booking any more gigs for an unspecified period of time. Including, they confirmed, even when a new album came.

“After the planned shows for June 2023 we will be ‘hanging up our spurs’ for an indeterminate time, as far as live concert performances go, and won’t be touring the next album," they wrote in a statement. “The reasons for this decision are personal, but, we all agree, vital to the wellbeing and future of the band. Be assured that we still love working together, and this decision has nothing to do with Floor’s pregnancy or our other individual projects."

They did, however promise new music. True to their word, they've just announced that in September they'll release their 10th album, Yesterwynde. A record immediately more heavy than its predecessor, it's also one that sounds refreshed, vital, optimistic.

"Yes, that's definitely a word you could use for it," says keyboardist and composer Tuomas Holopainen when we catch up with him in Berlin to get the skinny. "The whole theme of the album is time, history, humanism, mortality. And it has a really optimistic vibe going through it all."

The first track, Perfume Of The Timeless, arrives on May 21. Ahead of all that, we sat down with Tuomas to get the first look at Nightwish's next chapter…

You’ve been working on the album for ages. When did you start, exactly? “I started writing it in January 2021. It was the second year of pandemic. I wasn't supposed to start writing songs for this album yet, but there was nothing else to do because of COVID, so I thought I might as well use the time for it. So I used all of 2021 to do that. Then in early ’22, we did a demo with just me and the engineer, and had a listen to the demo with the whole band for the first time in May ’22, during our American tour. It’s always a really exciting moment to present the new songs to the band. And terrifying, to be honest!

“Then we started recording it last August, and it took a few months to record. And after that, four and a half months of mixing, and a few mastering sessions. And now here we are. And we're still working with the atmos mixes – there's going to be an atmospheric mix of the album and the orchestral version of the album.”

That’s not long after HVMAN. :||: NATVRE came out. Were you doing it with the hard intention of writing a full album, or were you just initially doing something just to pass time? “For some reason, I just felt really inspired. I felt like it was the perfect time to do another Nightwish album. And, like I said, there was nothing else to do. The previous album, HVMAN. :||: NATVRE was released in April 2020, about a month after the COVID lockdowns started, so tough luck there! It was frustrating, but as always, you have to try to look at the bright side of things. I thought, ‘Okay, maybe this album, now people can listen to it in peace. They have nothing else to do, either. Maybe it brings them some hope and comfort during the dark times.’ So you always have to turn things an optimistic way.”

This is a lot more of a metal album than the last one. Was that a conscious thing? “That just happened. We never, ever think about this stuff in advance, like, ‘Let's make a heavier album.’ It's just the stories need to be told in a certain way. And this time, they needed to be told in this way. And it's really interesting that you should say that, because there were two journalists yesterday who said, ‘I was expecting something much more metal. This is a really mellow album.’ Really? Okay, I don't hear it that way. But it's all in the listener’s ear, I guess.”

The first single, Perfume Of The Timeless, is nearly 10 minutes long. Not exactly easing people in, are you? “No! But, when we had the first meeting with Nuclear Blast, talking about the new album and singles, I told them, the first single will be a song called Perfume Of The Timeless, and it's eight-and-a-half minutes long, and the chorus comes in at 3:30. And they were like, ‘Perfect!’ I think that has to do with the fact that we have a long legacy. You know, we can do whatever we want, and I do, but it says something that we can do that, when I heard that for Spotify it’s good to have the vocals start after 15 seconds, or people skip it, they don’t have the attention span anymore.”

What does the title, Yesterwynde, mean? “It’s a made-up word. There's this thing called The Dictionary Of Obscure Sorrows. It gave me the idea that if you don't have an English word to describe a certain emotion, you can just make your own. This particular dictionary is dedicated to that, like, the feeling of longing for a place that you have never been in. What is that feeling? And it was something weird, I can remember. And this album was born from a certain sensation that I felt really strongly, but I couldn't find a word in human language to describe it. So I started to talk with Troy [Donockley, multi-instrumentalist] and said, ‘Should we come up with a new word? Does that make any sense to you?’ And he's like, ‘Yeah, that's a brilliant idea. What did you have in mind?’ It was something like time, memories going black and white, sepia, and I said, ‘something yesterday’. Then he said, ‘How about Yesterwynde?’ That's perfect! But yeah, it's just a made up word to describe what the album is about."

A sense of longing? "Not so much longing as realising what time is all about. Realising that there is such a thing as time and past and history. The internet and YouTube is full of these old black-and-white images, and even video clips, that you first see in black-and-white, and then they have been coloured. Have you seen those? That's the effect that I get at the moment. It's like it's coming from an other dimension, these are black-and-white images, then you colour it, and it's right there, as if it was filmed yesterday. Something happens in my mind when I see those. I thought, 'This has to be put into a song or into an album somehow.' Suddenly, you feel so connected to the past generations, and those people that you see in those images. They've all had their lives, their ups and downs, and they don't exist anymore, except as atoms scattered all over the universe. And we're going to be in that state pretty soon as well. So that should give you something to think about."

Are you just worried about getting older? "Not at all – on the contrary (laughs). But they are the ultimate cliche of: seize the day. That's something that I think about more and more. We're all going to be dead soon. It's just a matter of what you're gonna do before that."

That's a very positive outlook. You can hear that in the record. There's an enthusiasm, rather than a sense of bleakness or defeat… "Yes! Spot on! People often ask, 'Where do you get the inspiration?' Well, just look at this world, look at everything's that happening. Look at the sky, the scientific innovations. History is so full of stories that are just a bottomless pit of inspiration. And also, especially these days, there's a lot of fear mongering going on, like end-of-the-world scenarios, which I find, let's say 'distressing', but also a bit annoying, because humankind has ceased to see the good that we have accomplished as well. There is no denying that the world is going through a horrible stage at the moment. But it's always been like that. If you go back to the Middle Ages, things were much worse. Throughout the human history, it's always been like this. But now because of fear mongering, and the media, and the authorities, whether political or religious, telling us that it's all coming to an end, we have to repent. And a lot of people buy into it, and they live miserable lives. Because of that, they forget the beauty of existence. It's an unbelievable stroke of luck, and a privilege, that we are actually alive. So you might as well enjoy it."

There's a song called The Antikythera Mechanism, which is the name of an ancient Greek device used for astronomy. You don't get many bands writing about that… "Yeah, it's considered today to be the first analogue computer made by mankind. So, imagine that 2,200 years ago, in ancient Greece, they were able to build a computer. It just blew my mind when I read about this machine in a science magazine, and I thought that the world needs to know about this. Well, now everybody knows because of the new Indiana Jones film, because that's also about this particular mechanism. But yeah, it had to be done into a song.

"I was just thinking that humankind was so advanced back in those days that were able to build a machine like this. What happened? What if religions hadn't happened, or the burning of The Library Of Alexandria hadn't happened, where would mankind be today? Maybe we would be living all across the solar system already. Who knows?"

Again, it feels like there's still a very positive outlook there in the music, rather than moaning that it's all gone wrong. "I think it comes down to the word 'imagination', which is the biggest strength that we have as human species, compared to the other lower species. We like to imagine things, imagine things that might be better on the other side of the fence and things we will never have. But also imagination takes us to huge innovations. So it's a really good thing.

"The ancient Greeks did that with their computer. They started to imagine, 'Is there a way to predict those solar eclipses or star constellations moving? I bet there is, let's start building this machine.' So it all started from the imagining. It's similar with creating any art or music. Could there be a way to tell a story through music? I do that a lot. There's a song on the album called The Children Of 'Ata, which is a wonderful story of these kids on a deserted island and surviving there for 15 months. I heard the story and thought, 'There has to be a way to put this into music.'

"It's a crazy story, from not that long ago, 1965. I think some of the kids are still alive. It's important to tell these stories, because it really did happen. And maybe it can change the human perspective of the concept that if you take a bunch of people and put them into an isolated place for a certain period of time, they become savages. But this is proof that that's not the case. So they are a perfect example that humankind has hope."

This is your first album since Century Child in 2002 without Marko Hietala. Did that change your approach to writing? “No, it doesn’t really change anything, except that now we had two voices instead of three, only Floor and Troy. But that's it – it really didn't change much at all. And Jukka [Koskinen], the new bass player, is such a grounding personality that it's so easy to work with him. And his bass playing skills are tremendous, quite different from how Marko played the bass, which also brought a new spice into the music. So nothing but positive things to say about it all.

“There are many bands in the world that don't have a single original member anymore. And I think it comes down to the fact that if the music is good, then that's all that matters, in the end. Maybe for some people, certain bands are so holy that they can stand if they don't have certain members in it, even though the music would be good, but I don't really think like that. I just listen to the music, not the personnel behind it. That's all that matters to me.”

Similarly, does it feel weird to be talking about an album that, for the first time, you won’t be going out to tour? “No, it doesn't feel weird. It just feels right. But people shouldn't get worried. It's not the end of the band. We just signed a multi-record deal with Nuclear Blast, so there will be more music coming, definitely. But as far as shows, we're just gonna have a long breather now and see what happens. That's all I can say at the moment. We got our fair share in 2022 and 2023 when we did a lot of shows. So that helped.”

Yesterwynde will be released on September 20 via Nuclear Blast

[tafadhali]

End of Year Vidding Meme 2024

It’s time for the annual round up. I know there's a couple weeks left in the year, but unless I'm much mistaken all the vidding I do until then will be for Festivids. [ETA, 12/22: I were wrong!]

I’ve starred co-vids with @periru3!

One, Two, Three Go! (Sense8) *

Teenagers (Dimension 20) [Festivids]

The Unbreakable Katie MaroWITCH (Dropout TV) [Festivids] *

Satisfaction (The Quick and the Dead) [Festivids]

I'm Gonna Make You Love Me (Christine) [Festivids] *

Open Book (Decision to Leave) [Festivids]

Jackrabbit (Catherine, Called Birdy) [Festivids]

The Shape of You (The Pirate) [Festivids]

Boys Keep Swinging (As You Like It) [Festivids]

alone with you inside my mind (Doctor Sleep) [Festivids]

Training Montage (Carrie/Nightmare on Elm Street/Scream)

Linda Ronstadt (The Last of Us)

Obsessed (Rebecca) *

The Queer Gospel (Multifandom)

Bigger on the Inside (Doctor Who) [VidUKon]

Searching for a Former Clarity (I Saw the TV Glow) [Fall Equinox]

My Own Dance (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) [Fall Equinox] *

Spent Gladiator (9-1-1)

FISTMASTIME (Shane Black movies) *

Favourite Vid of the Year: I'm really proud of "Teenagers." I was so pleased with how much movement and energy I was able to get out of a fairly static source, and D20 has been my consuming obsession since last spring, so it came from a real place of love.

Least Favourite: I never want to down-talk my own vids! There's something I love about all of them. I think "alone with you inside my mind" is kind of the oddest vid I made, but its combination of cracky and creepy really landed with some people and I love that I made it — it feels like something no one else would have made.

Vid Most Unappreciated By The Universe: I was so excited to make a vid about my BOY, Buck, and about a current massive fandom, so I would love if more people had watched my 9-1-1 vid.

Most Fun Vid: Hm..."The Shape of You" does have Gene Kelly in hot pants, so that might be the winner, but I also think "One, Two, Three Go!" is infectiously fun.

Vid With The Single Sexiest Moment: If I rule out Gene Kelly's cigarette trick because I just talked up that vid in my previous response, then maybe the sex scene in "Linda Ronstadt"? If a clip that makes me start crying can be considered sexy? The way Murray Bartlett so tenderly touches Nick Offerman's chest 😭😭😭

Most Successful: "Boys Keep Swinging" got a lovely response! And "The Unbreakable Katie MaroWITCH" had the best hits-to-comment ratio, so I feel like it really landed with its target audience, which makes me happy — I completely fell in love with the concept of that vid.

Biggest Vid Fail: I guess the biggest "fail" was not being able to pull together my original concept for my Fall Equinox gift, but it just meant that I focused in on the more out there idea that was really emotionally essential for me to make, so I don't think it really qualifies.

Hardest Vid To Make: "Teenagers" was technically demanding and took a long time to clip, but it was a complete blast to vid. With "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me," I feel like we really used every clip we could possibly use, so that posed its own challenges.

Most Unintentionally Telling Vid: I normally give a pretty glib answer to this question because I think I wear my nerdy obsessions on my sleeve, so no vids really reveal something unintentional about my id, but this year felt like the year I started really processing recent events in my vidding. In 2020, I made a bunch of silly, high concept vids and I needed that escapism — Tess and I literally made a ska vid the month their best friend died. I think it took me until 2024 to start making all kinds of emotionally open vids about processing trauma. A lot of the songs that I vidded this year are simple and emotionally direct and very personal to me: "The Swimming Pool Song," "Linda Ronstadt," "Searching for a Former Clarity," even "My Own Dance."

Last Year’s Goals:

- Finish the damn Buffy vid!

I finished the damn Buffy vid! And I'm really proud of it! I'm so happy Equinox came back and gave me the kick in the pants I needed. As ever, it's a better vid for having made it with @periru3.

- Continue a vid series

I made another vid in my "Screened Out" series, and I'm really happy with it even if it is slightly less historical than some of my queer film history vids.

- Attend VidUKon in person (yay!)

This happened and was so much fun! I can't go every year but I hope I will make it there again in the future. The highlight was finally getting to VJ a show and be present in the room when people watched it!

And this wasn't a formal goal last year, but I am pleased to say that NONE of my main gifts for exchanges this year were het movie vids about blue-eyed white ladies (as every assignment vid I've made for every previous exchange has been, lol).

Goals For Next Year

- Make something that technically challenges me — I don't know what that will look like, but the downside of vidding so many short, simple, emotionally direct songs was making a lot of short, simple, not very technically complex vids!

- Go old school with a fun spoof/cover song! I've been especially into the idea of vidding something bardcore.

- Finish the second 9-1-1 vid I've started drafting and think of an idea (any idea!) that isn't mostly focused on a Buckley.

- "Vid! Album! With! Tessa!" - text from @periru3

[fuckyeahvanhalen86-95]

Alex Van Halen hopes that those coming to his new memoir, Brothers, for a tell-all will be disappointed.

“It’s not about the dirt,” Van Halen, older brother and bandmate of the late Eddie Van Halen, tells Billboard. “If I start throwing dirt, it’ll never end. I think some people would like that; that’s how projects are sold nowadays. I think it divides the audience, and we’re not here to divide. I think the tone of the book and how I want the book to be perceived is more on a spiritual and creative level. That’s why there’s very little, or any, dirt in there.”

“The majority of things that were written about Ed were third party,” he continues. “They weren’t really there. I’m not degrading any of it, but it’s not accurate. I really felt like a lot of the stuff that was out there was incorrect, and it didn’t do justice to the more sensitive side of Ed. So before I die I would like to at least partially set the record straight.”

Brothers, publishing Oct. 22 and written with New Yorker staff writer Ariel Levy, acknowledges the sex and drugs and rock n’ roll. But as the title indicates it’s primarily a chronicle of the drummer’s relationship with his guitar hero brother, who passed way during Oct. 2020 at the age of 65 after a long battle with cancer. The tome is undeniably emotional, with some passages written directly to his late brother. Van Halen acknowledges that the process “really took its toll on me.”

“You have to remember we were together for 65 years; that’s a lifetime, if not more,” explains Van Halen, who was born in Amsterdam and came to the United States with his family in 1962, eventually settling in Pasadena, Calif., where the Van Halen band was formed in 1974. “(Brothers) not only forced me to look at everything Ed and I had done in our lifetime, but also — and I should thank Ed for this — it forced me to look at me. What are my motivations? Why am I really doing this? Who does anybody do this? It took me a lot of places…very heavy.”

Throughout Brothers’ 231 pages, Van Halen discloses the tight bond between him and Eddie, personally and musically — and presents the connection between those two as one and the same thing. Van Halen offers a detailed account of the entire family dynamics, too, from the influence of their father, Jan, a jazz musician, and their more strict Dutch East Indies-born mother Eugenia, and the impact of immigrating to America and being treated as outsiders. The passion for music came early and was a constant, of course, and one can read in Brothers a kind of mission on Van Halen’s part to offer a more expansive and sophisticated view of his brother’s talents.

“There was more going on than most people recognize or realize, and it’s not our job to ‘teach’ people,” explains Van Halen, who also makes use in the book of a variety of other sources, including published interviews with his brother, books by original frontman David Lee Roth and producer Ted Templeman, and philosophers such as Friedrich Nietzsche. The brothers, who first learned to play piano, actually started out on each other’s instruments before switching as teenagers. “When Ed picked (the guitar) up he could make it sing. It was amazing. That sound, that intonation was phenomenal. You couldn’t express it in words. Everybody gets blinded by the fact Ed was such a phenomenal player (that) you’re not even understanding who the human being was. Maybe people don’t care, but I care. He’s my brother.”

BROTHERS OF A BAND

Writing about Van Halen the rock band in Brothers, Van Halen says that “me, Ed and Dave were very subversive in the way we looked at music and the political system and the way we looked at people in general…The band was dysfunctional. It was completely running on three wheels, if you will. I think Ed was quoted as saying ‘but we always played well,’ and that was ultimately what kept it together until it was no longer together. It was a very sad moment when that whole thing fell apart.” Van Halen, in fact, writes in Brothers that Van Halen’s 1985 split with Roth “was the most disappointing thing I’d experienced in my life, the thing that seemed the most wasteful and unjust. Until I lost my brother.”

Despite the acknowledged rancor with Roth over the years – and blaming Roth for the failure of a planned Eddie Van Halen tribute tour — Van Halen maintains that “I’m not angry at all with Dave. He was one of the three main components of the band. At the time we didn’t recognize it because we were constantly battling things out. That’s why I mentioned (in the book) that the first person I called when Ed died was Dave because I felt like I owed him that, to the work we had done together and the fact that our families knew each other and the fact that everybody was sort of on the same level, if you will, when we first started. I don’t know where things went wrong…I have nothing but the utmost respect for Dave and his work ethic. I just think some of his choices were really strange to me, but that’s not my job to figure it out.”

Other than his brother’s death, Van Halen chose to stop the story with the Roth split, leaving out subsequent runs with Sammy Hagar and Gary Cherone and even the reunion with Roth that started in 2007. (Roth and Hagar both wrote memoirs after their respective tenures with the band.) Van Halen cites “limitations to how big the book could be” but also says it the scope of the narrative made sense to him.

“What happened after Dave left is not the same band,” Van Halen explains. “I’m not saying it was better or worse or any of that. The fact is Ed and I did our best work whenever we played. We always gave it our best shot. But the magic was in the first years, when we didn’t know what we were doing, when we were willing to try anything.” Not surprisingly, Van Halen was not responsive, either, when Hagar and bassist Michael Anthony reached out about him taking part in some way in their Best of All Worlds tour celebrating Van Halen.

“I’m not interested,” he says. “They’re not doing the band justice. They can do what they want to do. That’s not my business.”

EVERYBODY WANTS SOME

Van Halen does add, however, that his auction of drum equipment and other items in June “was misinterpreted” and simply clearing out a warehouse of gear that wasn’t being used.

“I’m not quitting. I don’t know where that came from,” Van Halen says. “I’ll die with sticks in my hand.” Spinal issues he’s been battling for decades are still present, he adds, including a recent injury during a trip to a shooting range in 2022. “But with modern technology we have now I should be OK in about five years,” he says.

Despite rumors of what the Van Halens were up to between the last tour with Roth (in 2015) and Eddie’s death, Alex maintains there was little to report. “We never really talked about it,” he says. “We prefer that things just happen by some kind of magic. The issue was Ed had been dealing with cancer for quite a number of years, and some of the stuff that he was doing out of the normal procedures, if you will, had side effects. Some of the stuff that was being said about Ed was completely wrong, and it was painful…. He was fighting cancer. It’s as simple as that.”

Fans are certainly excited about the presence of a new instrumental track, “Unfinished,” that’s part of the audio version of Brothers. It hails from a trove of ideas the brothers recorded at Eddie’s 5150 studio and stashed away, and Alex anticipates releasing more of that material “when it feels right.”

“I’m not in a hurry,” he says. “I do have a certain obligation to keep it to Ed’s standards. He was meticulous and he was a pain in the ass…and I need to have access to the right takes, ’cause not every day did we play at our best. But we always had the tape recorders running. We didn’t go in the studio like, ‘Yeah, we’re gonna make a record from beginning to end.’ We had little pieces here, little pieces there, you put ’em away until the time comes and you go, ‘Hey, I think I like that piece…’ and then go back to it and build something from there.” He told Rolling Stone that he’s approached OpenAI about using its technology to help turn some of the material into songs.

“I know people want to hear it,” Van Halen adds, before cautioning that, “the other side of the coin is this doesn’t sound like Van Halen. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” He says that for future releases he’s also “looking forward to getting some people involved…other musicians and producers. You have to have the right team, because not everybody can do everything. So we’ll see.”

For the time being Van Halen is focused on promoting Brothers, which he’d also like to turn into a movie — though he notes that, “I learned a long time ago not to put your hope in things that don’t exist yet. I know people who would be willing to participate, but it’s a very complex fabric of things that need to happen.” Meanwhile Van Halen has three book events lined up — signings at Barnes & Noble in New York on Oct. 21 and at Books & Greetings in Northvale, N.J., the following day, and a live conversation on Oct. 24 at the Frost Auditorium in Culver City, Calif.

“People can ask whatever they like — that’s their prerogative,” Van Halen says. “It’s my prerogative to answer. Or not answer.”

One thing Van Halen will make clear, however, is that his brother is still a strong presence in his life.

“He’s not gone for me,” Van Halen says, citing the “island voodoo” of their mother’s upbringing and the Spooky Action at a Distance concept of quantum physics. “He’s still there. His spirit’s here, and it’s not something you can grab or touch. There’s something between us that’s just connected on a level that is beyond explanation. Scientists will tell you that you cannot destroy energy, it just takes different shapes, and that’s kind of how it is for me with Ed.”

“I really had a tough time when Ed passed — full of rage, for a number of reasons. I heard this thing by Billy Bob Thornton; he just said basically when his brother died he didn’t know how to deal with it, and he basically said that you’re not running away from the fact that you’re not together anymore. You accept it for what it is and then the pain will slowly diminish, but it’ll never go away. That’s why i said (in the book), ‘When I see you again, I’m gonna kick yo’ ass…’”

[loveyouoikawa]

sometimes i like to think about why haikyuu means so much to me. a few things come to mind: 1) it’s a really good show, 2) it’s my first full anime i finished ever, and 3) it’s a REALLY good show.

when i first watched haikyuu, i was 10, it was 2017. I finished 22 episodes in a day when I first started it. I wasn’t capable of understanding just why i loved haikyuu more than any other animes i’d watched then (bnha, charlotte, seven deadly sins, yet haikyuu held a candle above them all). i didn’t bother to understand. i just knew that haikyuu was my favourite — and this continued to 2020. of course, 4 years is a long time, and by 2020 i had slowly lost interest. No longer fixated, or extremely into it, although I had cried when it ended regardless. Because it had been one of the Biggest things I’d ever been into, and somewhere along the way it had meshed into my childhood.

and then in late 2023, i decided to rewatch it. It was painfully nostalgic at first. SO painfully nostalgic. It felt like I was 10 again and nothing had changed. As someone who freaking hates growing up, it was the worst feeling ever. But then again, somewhere along the way, it struck me of what a genuinely good media it is. The characters and the connection I felt with all of them, and then of course the small little details that come back 10 or 50 or 100 chapters later; all of this came to me all at once.

Of course, it’s been almost an year, and I still cry over haikyuu — different things, all the time!!!! I’m still noticing these said details and still wholly so into this show. I love this media so much!!! Maybe it’s something like nostalgia, or something like a REALLY good show, but either ways I’m so consumed by it and It’s Terrifying in the most amazing awesome way ever …..

this entire text was so pointless hahahahahaha I was just reminiscing of just how much this media means to me. spoiler. It’s a LOT #thankyoufurudate

[megidoreyn]

Heyyy it's about the art questions

I would like to know your answer in 18 (the purpose) and 22 (artspiration).

I would also ask 3 but I'd completely understand if you prefer not to answer

The rest are already answered

Hope you have a great month. ;D

Hey there! Thanks for the questions!

⭐️3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand

→ It was a real trip down memory lane to look back on some of these, but here's a sample of some old things from 2021-early 2022! (Prior to posting on social media in Aug 2022) Back then, I didn't have any real incentive to improve my art outside of drawing quick sketches like the pictures above. I had issues being cleanly (due to lack of motivation), committing to learning character details, and more LOL. →Fun fact, I drew on a very tiny 11 inch screen 4GB RAM laptop with horrible color calibration for about 3 years until finally getting something better in early 2022 too LOL. It might be noticeable in some of the above pictures with the color choices being a little too light or too saturated, LOL.

→As also seen at the bottom of this post, It might come as a surprise that I also draw fanart for my favorite assorted fandoms outside of megaten too, LOL. I just never post it in public since they're meant as warm-up doodles!

To be honest, 2020 thru late 2022 was a very low point in my life. I had given up on all creative endeavors at the time due to: My career, being diagnosed with a bodily issue of which the effects I still deal with even today, and other personal issues.

It truly wasn't until late 2022 (when I started posting online) that I truly felt confident picking up my tablet pen again and view art in a more positive light…!

NGL I had written out my entire life story here but ended up deleting it--it would have made this post terribly long regardless LOL💦 Perhaps it'll be a story for another time, though!!🙏 And it absolutely has to do with why the Samurai husbands mean lot to me!

⭐️18. What is your purpose for drawing?

→ That's a good question! For me, (especially due to my visual agnosia) it'd have to be the ability to draw whatever comes to mind with skill and precision. To not hold back and draw whatever comes into your mind's eye without fear or hesitation from others (or your own critical inner voice)… And to be able to properly convey the meaningful themes of your work as clearly as they come into your mind... That, to me, is true freedom.

➡️As for BL content: Despite not posting much of it in public (yet), my purpose in drawing BL (or OTP content in general) is to transmit feelings of love + warmth in my art! To depict tenderness, warmth, and love with affectionate, natural-looking body language to make it as believable + realistic as possible...That's always been my goal! →The world is a scary place out there. Though, if my OTP content can make someone feel a slight glimmer of peace, tranquility, or even hope to keep moving forward...then I'll be incredibly happy!🙏💕 It's always my intention to convey nothing but sweet wholesome vibes and warmth with my pictures, and I truly hope that feeling comes across too. ➡️I'll be super candid and say I actually really enjoy angst and raunchy content as much as everyone else! But drawing wholesome + sweet characters in love just comes much sooo much easier and naturally as breathing to me, LOL. Just because I don't post angst or raunchy things, doesn't mean I dislike it! ☝️

⭐️22. List at least one of your “artspirations.”

→ I tend to gravitate towards professional artists with thick painting (厚塗り) coloring styles, dynamic illustrations, and artists that have a strong grasp of anatomy, character design and storytelling! It's hard to pick just one, so here's a brief selection of ones that come up at the top of my head right now!

Thanks again for the questions! Have a wonderful January and rest of your 2024 as well!✨🌟

[esta-elavaris]

22, 24, 28 please <3

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

Oh, all of the time. I used to have panic attacks over CTW, and even now I still think every time I post a chapter that this will be the one that exposes me as an absolute hack and everybody will unfollow and unsub 💀 I don't think it goes away, I think it just get easier to act in spite of. I remember when I was at uni, I gave my novel writing teacher the first chapter of my novel (the one I'm still working on now lmao) and when I had a meeting with him a week later to get my feedback, I walked in already apologising for how bad it was.

He had to stop me, be like "Lucy please just read the feedback, here" as he handed me his notes, and the feedback was literally 99% praise, paired with one minor piece of criticism over a paragraph that I already knew wasn't great. It's just how I am. CTW was written years after that, and there are still times when I'm furiously justifying plot decisions because I was certain they'd be hated and I was defending myself against hate that didn't even end up sprouting up (the captaincy of the Dutchman was a big instance of that), we really are our own worst enemies a lot of the time.

I would highly recommend reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. But also, just get used to doing the thing in spite of that fear. It's definitely disproportionate considering I don't really write anything too controversial, but this is the internet and you do occasionally get people just looking for problems. The funny part being that when they sprout up, I usually just laugh at them - the thought of them cropping up is worse than when they actually do. I just struggle to respect the opinions of people who spend their time being shitty to artists online, not least because they NEVER have any of their own stuff posted.

The only way I'd be able to take non-constructive criticism seriously would be if it came from a respected mutual because I'd know it was coming from a well-meaning place, but my lovely mutuals would never be non-constructive in their criticism, so the point is moot.

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

So I write daily as a rule, and after around four months of that (which were challenging, I won't lie, back when I started in 2020), whether or not I "felt" creative stopped being a factor in that equation. The more you show up, the more your creativity does, it really is like a muscle. Some days are still better than others -- I did find this year that having other creative outlets helps a lot. I think about writing and plot decisions etc. so often while I'm crocheting, because it gets me into that same zone but without the added stress of staring at an empty word document, which can be very intimidating at times.

Reading also helps! Fic is great, ofc, but I really can't emphasise enough how good it is to read books, and cast a wide net for that reading material. Rn I'm doing three reading challenges, one that revolves around classics, another where you read a book from every single country in the world, and a third where it's all book recs from mutuals, on top of whatever I'm mood reading, and I always have at least one non-fiction book on the go, too. Some of those reads end up being absolute stinkers, but it's a necessary process.

28. your least favorite part of the writing process

Descriptions! Dialogue comes so quickly and so easily to me - so many of my drafts start out just looking like a script because I'll get all of the dialogue down and then I have to fill in the bits in the middle. I'm not great with metaphor, and I struggle to wedge in my descriptions in a way that feels natural and not shoehorned in.

When I read back old stuff, though, I don't think that struggle shows too much, which is nice.

I also hate edits, because if I spend too long doing that I'll end up not wanting to post the chapter, so I have to find a nice balance between proofreading and not giving myself a chance to freak myself out...which is how an embarrassing number of typos and mistakes slip through.

Thank you!! 💜

Ask game ✨

[dear-diary-mood-apathetic]

brb im fucking bawling

life story/rambling under cut

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting lately. A lot of revisiting things Id have been much happier to leave in the past.

I always hated hearing how one day it would get better. Because I knew that it wouldnt be that easy. I knew I wouldnt just wake up one day and feel fine. And I think more than anything, I was scared that being okay meant losing the most integral part of my child/teen self: my rage.

I was an emotional kid growing up. I'd cry at everything and anything and all I ever wanted was for everyone to be happy. It was a burden I undertook personally at far too young of an age. Be it the eggshells I took my first steps on or the guilt I'd never let go of simply for the inconvenience of being born a baby. I saw things a child shouldnt have to see and handled emotions and situations far too grown up for a second grader. When I started to understand this, thats when I started to get angry.

I knew that the way I was treated wasnt okay, and by the time I would turn ten I'd gotten violent. I escaped into the comfort of horror media and would often find myself locked away in my dark bedroom on my phone for hours at a time scouring the corners of the internet for the next disturbing thing I could find. But I was just a kid. And that would send me down a multi-year psychotic episode that left me feeling isolated and terrified. And even more angry. I started getting into fights whenever the opportunity arose outside of the house. I wasnt even in middle school yet, but I was filled with blind, white hot rage already.

Once I made it to middle school though, some of the anger had festered into a chronic depression that felt like emotional rot. I developed a lot of awful habits and worsened a few Id picked up prior. I hurt a lot of people in my spiral downward and I still regret many of those things to this day. I was hurting and determined to make other people hurt too. But it only felt fair to me at the time; if I have to go home to my dads cruelty every single day, what did it matter who I hurt? They were supposed to feel bad for me.

It wouldn't be until about 2020 that things started to finally look up. I got my first job against my dads will, and this would be the decision that changed my entire life. I finally started to understand that I wasn't bound by my dads judgement. I met the people who would let me move into their apartment after a shitty roommate situation. And most importantly I met my boyfriend.

I went through a few relationships and there were a few roadblocks before it finally worked out for us to get together. Including my dads impulse choice to move himself, me, and my pregnant stepmother to South Carolina with no actual shelter built except a camper for them and a tent for me in July of '22. But after being friends for about a year and a half, we finally started dating in August. That November, he and one of our then mutual friends made an 8+ hour drive to pick me up on my eighteenth birthday. I turned 18 on November 6th and they started driving on the fifth. If it werent for them I'd still be stuck in South Carolina!

I really think I have my boyfriend to thank for who I am today. When we met I was sixteen and didnt plan on making it to eighteen. I dont think I wouldve without him. Hes been the most supportive and patient person as I've worked to heal a lot of wounds he didn't cause. Ive only been able to do the reflection and self help I needed because of him. I've been allowing myself to let go of the anger Ive defined myself with for so long and its scary. But I think Im going to like the gentler version of myself. The version he deserves.

Because for once in my life I feel like I'm safe. The eggshells are gone. A quiet house doesn't mean tension and a loud one no longer means violence. I can breathe and rest for the first time in a long time. I slept with an eye open for a while, but I think its finally safe to close them both.

[mimiwrites2000]

For the AruAni writers questions:

1, 3, 4, 14!

MOON THANKS FOR THE ASK

Ok let’s start

1- share your favorite part of your latest fic

Well, my latest fic is Legends, and its latest chapter is 22

Here’s my favorite part of this chapter:

The chandelier’s crystals meandered between stairs’ white stonted rails, threateningly pointing down, accompanied with translucent, thin selenders of glass that softly clacked against each other with the softest breeze, playing a soft melody of charms, harmonizing with the contrasted fireworks going off in the distance. The fireworks exploded in the sky, their light reflected wobbling charades on the carpet, sparks of silver and gold emitting from the chandelier in various, spontaneous directions, like fairies in the books Armin’s grandfather used to read for him.

Armin watched it all.

“Can you walk?” He asked Annie, in a soft voice, careful to not disturb the lights.

“I can walk, I am walking,” She answered him, judging him with half lidded eyes. Her arm around Armin’s shoulders and her knees bent with drunkenness as she dragged herself beside Armin, or more like Armin dragging her beside himself.

He eyed the stairs, and then eyed Annie.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he bent, putting his arm behind her knees, lifting her up. She gasped, her arm around his shoulders tightened, the other arm wrapping around his neck. “I am really sorry,” he apologized again, because he held her without her permission, even though that was the only solution at that time. He made sure his hand didn’t touch her, her dress a barrier between his fingers and her skin.

He ascended the stairs, one step at a time. He held her close to his chest, making sure her weight was secured in his arms, and a spark of happiness filled his heart as her body felt healthier, remembering the first time he ever held her, at the harbor, exactly three years prior, after years of being suspended in air, engulfed within a cold crystal.

That day at the harbor he lost her but a miracle, a Legend, paved his way to her and he found her, that day they were given a second, wasted chance.

That day, he held her out of the war's rubble, in the middle of fire and thunder, her body limping against him as he carried her to safety.

That day, he learnt about a Legend, and today, another Legend unfolded itself.

None of these Legends would have happened without them, without him, without her ; she was behind it all, an irreplaceable component in that concoction.

Because they were those Legends, and those Legends were them.

They were created to be a Legend.

The striking memory made reminiscing feelings crawl on his back with hundreds of pointy, sharp edges, reaching his fingers and numbing them, so he held her even closer to his chest. He miraculously saved her that day, maybe that wouldn’t happen today, maybe it would never ever happen, but for that moment, while the world outside was launching celebratory colorful fires in the midnight sky, celebrating their deaths, he chose this moment of peace, on carpeted stairs, at a foreign hotel.

3- If you look back at your first fic compared to your last, what’s changed?

MANY THINGS, my writing style changed so much, my English got stronger as well (it’s my second language) and overall the way I write Armin and Annie changed, I feel like I never really wrote Annie correctly until recently, I don’t think I understood her enough.

4-Fanfic authors can be harsh on themselves, espically with older works, share three things you like about your first fic.

So my first fic is called Blue, but on Ao3 it’s called Kiss, (don’t ask, I have no idea how that happened either)

I wrote it in 2019, and posted it during Armin week in January 2020

This is the first time I even look back at it during these three years, and honestly it’s so hard to read something I’ve written so long ago.

I like how excited I was about it, how excited I was to share a story I wrote with people, I like how I wrote it with excitement about these characters, and I like how I always had my own way of describing feelings, which I still do until this day.

You can find it here on AO3, and here on TUMBLR

13- Do you use symbolism when writing fics? Tell us about it!

OH YEAH I DO, I add so much symbolism and descriptions and everything, especially with Legends, I basically poured every symbolism I have into this one story

I just enjoy it, SO MUCH

[seelifethroughmyeyesyear3099]

tell us what happy moment shaped who you are or gave you strength in difficult times.

I remember I was the light of a lot of people's lives. I got told daily that I was like sunshine. Crazy unpredictable but cared about everyone more than myself. I remember thinking about the world we live in and how a lot of people bring you down or get angry at you for nothing (The man that gets mad about his order in the drive thru that takes too long or the old lady yelling at you about not taking her expired coupons) they're not mad at you. They're mad at themselves. I wanted to do the exact opposite I wanted to make everyone's life for the better and bring them up to be their best selves. I started taking nothing to heart and thinking about them. They are probably never going to see me again. Before I wore my heart on my wrist...that quickly changed. Three different life altering times in my life, I may only be only 22 but I feel like I've lived five lives.

I remember I bought a book of kindness every single day for a year; I made sure to do one of the pages of the book and if I ran out of pages I would look for a 30-day challenge of kindness. I didn't let anybody know but I even got five of my friends for our senior project to do it on humanity. We went down to the homeless shelter and passed out sandwiches that took us hours to make and talked to families. We asked how they got there and what they needed. I completed all those tasks and I understood how hard life can really be in a moment with the wrong people or having not having any support.

Another time I remember I was 15 and a half at the time and I'd barely gotten my license and an owner of a business wanted me to be the face in the front. (I was dating his son at the time and said business partner or dump my son) (I learned personal and business never mix) I left that company for more opportunities. Later on I became a driving instructor at 21 at the same company teaching 1,500 students how to drive in California, probably one of the most impactful things I've done in my life.

In between that job and going back I was a caregiver in 2020 when COVID hit, I was with a lot of elderly and most of them were in hospice only a week or two. I got to hear stories about their entire life, what they regretted, and got to be there even if their family wasn't there; I held their hand until their end of days. This went on for almost a year until my own father passed away in 2020. I couldn't handle anymore death after that.

Every stage of my life has been impactful, important, and beautiful even if I did not see it in that moment.

What gives me strength is knowing that I can be anything that I choose to be. People might think these are far-fetched dreams but they are not. I believe you are who you believe you are, but as long as your actions match up. That is who you are. All the things that I've done have led me to who I am and where I am and I'm pretty happy with that now. Of course there's always room for improvement, but I'm pretty happy.

Everything that you thought was going to break you down will actually build you up. It felt like my world died when my dad died and I felt like I lost myself. This was for 3 years and even though I was helping others, I wasn't helping myself out of the situation. Until I realize nobody's going to come and save me but myself. It is crazy how you can mentally be struggling for so long, your brain can still pull you mentally out of that. That takes a lot of support from others that are positive. You just have to rebuild yourself. Listen to podcasts and things that you want to be and start making daily habits of them until you become the person you want to be again.

[sunwarmed-ash]

For the fic writer asks: 18, 19, 22, 40, 41

Also I don't think I saw anything like this on the list so this one's straight from my brain: Do you have notes to help you keep track of what's happening in each of your WIPs, or are you just able to do that in your head (my memory fucking sucks - I could never)

Hope you're having a good day 😘 (at first I accidently typed "gay" instead of "day" and ya know what? I DO hope you're having a good gay day 😂)

Dude thank you so much for sending these, i fucking love talking about writing and fandom <3 it brings me so much joy

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

All three!! Titling is actually my favorite part. Usually, they come from song titles, lyrics, or references that I felt either really captured the theme of the characters or the plot. Or sometimes they are the inspiration!! Sometimes they are funny, catchy or sexy in ways I think will bring people in but mostly they are song titles/lyrics haha  Almost all of the angsty Harringrove fics I wrote (13+ i think now) are MGK songs haha 2020-2022 was my all MGK all the time period because he dropped two sick fucking albums in two years and helped me out of more spirals than I can count. 

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Oh shit idk can I check that? Let me go look… Alright im too high to do that and google wasn't helpful so i'm taking a guess haha probably Smut or angst. I don't write exclusively smut or angst but almost every single fic I have has hurt/comfort scenes or sex scenes in them. Probs cuz people cry and have sex in real life haha and i'm tired of the bullshit on tv 

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I don't write anything with scat or piss play, just not my thing so i think it would be difficult to write it for me. I don't have usually any hard no’s when it comes to writing. The content I consume is a different answer though. Likely because I have the ability to just not think about the things I don't want to think/write about whereas if I don't check does the dog die.com before a movie I’ll be panicking the whole time I’m gonna be triggered by on screen SA which seems to be a recurring theme in EVERY scary/thriller these days (fuck YOU hollywood)

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Dude any!!!! But i'm also a horny slut so really any of the Hankconvin, steddiegrove, harringrove, parksborn sex scenes are good with me!!

I still have the fan art  someone made me for a fic I wrote back in 2013 as my phone background :3 I have since lost touch with them on tumblr but I think about them everyday

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I’m a huge re-reader/reconsumer. I will watch the same show 100 times and never get tired of it. Same with the fics I read. I’m a SUCKER for that good good content 

Bonus ?: Also I don't think I saw anything like this on the list so this one's straight from my brain: Do you have notes to help you keep track of what's happening in each of your WIPs, or are you just able to do that in your head (my memory fucking sucks - I could never)

Hahahahha yes and no. If its a short fic, I'll usually just reread it before i start adding new content since I jump around between fics CONSTANTLY. If it's a long fic, like the fucking Eden club yes, I have notes because I just don't have the time to go back and reread. My docs are a total mess hahahaha I love you, thank you for theses <3 I AM HAVING A GREAT GAY DAY AND I FUCKING HOPE YOU ARE TOO!

[sadfragilegirl]

A First Post Written by a Sad and Fragile Girl Named Queennie

Hello and Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening to you all.

This is the one and only Queennie, finally returned aka signing up to Tumblr again with a new username, @sadfragilegirl.

I. Why @sadfragilegirl? (Behind the Tumblr username)

The reason why I wrote this as my username as because my current self is now a Sad and Fragile Girl. That's because of all those things that are happening that are really bad, really upsetting and really brought me trauma for the rest of my life. Plus, after what I remember way back then when gained such terrible things on me when I was on Tumblr days last year 2018 and year 2020 like receiving hate and criticism and losing my mutuals by blocking me, I became a Sad and Fragile Girl.

II. Admitting My Mistakes From Long Ago Way Back In 2018 (@heart-baek-bleed) and 2020 (@heart-bleeding-autism-angel)

I would like to tell everyone who remember me as @heart-baek-bleed (2018) and @heart-bleeding-autism-angel (2020) that I apologize for everyone for acting myself such behavior even I have Autism. Especially to my former mutual @peacheclair back in way back then when I was @heart-baek-bleed in year 2018.

@peacheclair, when I read your post about me, I realized this now that I felt wronged because of my very problematic behavior even I have Autism like wanting to buy stuff from me in my wishlist like Kpop albums and merch and DVDs and posting things by myself that are unnecessary and upsetting to you like "I want to cough up blood", "I want to disappear", "I want to kill myself" and "I want to bang myself to the wall". In the end, it brought such greatest downfalls by myself. That's the reason why I received anonymous hate messages (and sometimes non-anonymous hate messages) and losing my favorite mutuals because of me. And because of me and my behavior as myself with Autism, I became a monster because of me. And now, people think that I am a problematic and a monster because of those things that I did to hurt anyone and everyone.

Now that I am 22 years old and my life becoming more difficult because of remembering my past on Tumblr from year 2018 and year 2020. And if I want to make a new friend, whether it's online or in real life, it gets even harder especially when I have Autism. And when I get older, it's even get harder to make friends who has the same age or even the same interest as me anymore. And I know it will end with the same result... Wanting to make a new friend but in the end, they either ghosting me (In a friendship way) or blocking me or ignoring me...And that it was my biggest fear when making new friends who has with Autism. And that it brought me depression and anxiety in my life that I don't know if I could overcome it that it will take forever for me to recover.

I felt so shameful of myself and that's the reason why I turned myself into a Sad and Fragile Girl, who accepted the fact that even I have Autism, I am a problematic person and a monster. And I know that I would make them unhappy and I know I might hurt them and they will hate me and be with friends with someone else than me instead because of my terrible past on Tumblr from 2018 and 2020.

And with that...the trauma from this past was still standing there like a scar that would never heal.

With this again, I am sorry once again for hurting you and to everyone who I hurt them. I felt so shameful and regretful. And because the this damage I've done to you and to everybody... I don't know what to do and I am not sure if you're going to forgive me for what I done.

I know that simple apology won't work and it absolutely won't ever forgive me like this so with that...I am going to accept this punishment and consequence from you after I caused this serious damage from long ago. I will became a better person and to forgive myself for now on.

I hope you will take time to forgive me.

III. What happened to you now that you're became a Sad and Fragile Girl?

Aside of remembering the past about my Tumblr days from year 2018 and 2020, there are so many things happening that brought me such trauma, including one memory that took a toll of my life that I named myself as a Scarlet Dream/Scarlet Memory:

And that's no other than...Ravi leaving VIXX due to his scandal over Military Service Evasion/Corruption Issue last April 11, 2023. (In which that Ravi of VIXX is one of my ultimate Kpop biases.)

After my ultimate VIXX bias Ravi left the group, it named as a Scarlet Memory that it brought me a Scarlet Dream that it has 10 times than typical nightmares.

And after Ravi's Departure from VIXX, my happiness has been taken away from me. Especially when things that are happening really bad in year 2023 in Kpop like bad things happening going on at SM Entertainment when they thought that they will going to have a brighter future this year but things are going way too wrong, Astro's Moonbin passed away, Lucas left NCT after his hiatus (Which also means, no more SuperM forever.), VIXX celebrating their 11th Anniversary without Hongbin and Ravi and Ravi's Weverse turned into an archive after it last a year and 3 months.

And in the end...I've lost motivation and interest in listening to newest and my favorite Kpop music and updates anymore. And instead, I am currently listening to music from Ukraine/Ukrainian music because it's really comforting that it brought me more interest than Kpop music and looking forward for exciting Kpop news.

I even lost interest of playing my favorite games anymore after they decided to end the service of Love Live! School Idol Festival All Stars last the end of April. (I wanted to play Love Live! SIF 2 ~MIRACLE LIVE~ but sadly I'd prefer to play on my tablet but the bad news is my tablet has few GB like 32 GB (My current tablet is Samsung Galaxy Tab A7 Lite and I found out that it's NOT perfect for download huge amount of games...))

2023 brought me such traumatic downfalls and traumas for me that I became a Sad and Fragile Girl. I don't know when I will be back to my old self anymore. It's like...my bright aura of my soul is breaking apart and it will fade away any moment now.

I am also still struggling from my depression and anxiety and I am trying to recover myself. It feels like I am walking such a bumpy road that it will took forever to recover this unbearable pain.

Anyways, that's all I have to say in my first post. I am going on a hiatus starting today to July 5, 2023 and I will return this July 6, 2023.

Thank you so much and have a wonderful day.

~Queennie 🥀

[tutuandscoot]

I know that this blog is mainly focused on vm’s 22 year partnership and not so much their current separate endeavors but just out of curiosity, have you read/watched/listened to all their solo interviews (like the ones from 2018-present) just to keep up with them?

Yes I do- I can’t say I’ve watched/listened to all of them but yes most certainly I do and I love hearing about everything else they have going on as they see fit to share. I mainly get frustrated with the actual interviewers and the “questions” they ask: ie the two most recent solo T podcast interviews I was appalled by some of the questioning- especially with the quite obvious baiting the first woman did both with teasing the interview and then the way she probed T for the potential (yet long setting of the record straight by VM themselves) of a romantic relationship in the past and T herself even mid-interview- quite subtly to her credit (as to not piss of her friend interviewing her) by saying they (VM) were quite bothered by it and felt it was very rude of people to ask why they weren’t ‘together’ and people being sickly curious over their private lives.

Some interviews I really love were their separate ones with Scott Livingston (their trainer) and T’s ‘Women of influence’ interview (the one in 2020) was excellent- an example of really well prepared and intelligent questioning and respect of T and S.

I’ve said in the past this is a space to admire their partnership and it’s not because I don’t care about them outside of their partnership, I just don’t feel… not inappropriate.. that it’s wrong to.. but thats their own private lives and I and others shouldn’t be finding joy over deep diving into their personal affairs. Their skating career however was public and was a sport and art for people to watch and yes.. judge. There is also just so much there to discuss and reminisce on and I feel there is a line not to cross when it comes to discussing people I don’t know lives’.